What is it really worth?

Worth. Such a hard word to describe and so many different meanings, that in all reality comes down to the same thing.
It is the choice you make, the job you take, the friends you make, the things at stake. Is it really worth it? It's been such a frequent thought in my life; I've almost come to tune it out. Subliminally we all think it whenever we make a choice, no matter how big or small, and it makes huge differences.
It all comes down to what you want. Are you going to take your dream job for half the pay 2000 miles away? Is your happiness worth it? Are the consequences worth it for whatever action your about to do? Do you see yourself worth fighting for?
It asks so many things but is itself just one word.
It’s been the difference between a right and wrong decision, and being grounded versus being praised. I tended to take the path less traveled, most of the time wasn't my brightest option, but in the end, totally worth it. At the time of my punishment it was not worth it, but whatever I took away from the dangerous or stupid deed, I am thankful for; it was either a great learning experience or a ton of fun! Sometimes decisions were not worth the result, and I just simply learned to not choose it again, but other things changed me as a person and made me more caring toward those around me now and in the future. In the end things will work out as long as you've learned something, and took it to heart, if you don’t, that will be only the beginning...

Everything at some point has some worth to it, it’s just finding which ones are worth risking, or losing for and which ones aren’t.

Losing, losing, lost.

The circle of life. The cliché term that describes nearly every aspect of each and every life. You're born into the universe, you gain and you lose in this universe, the universe loses you. Losing people, items, competitions, thoughts....everything at some point has changed me. Whether it was a momentary lapse or a lifelong loss, it changes a part of me.

It alters the way I feel about certain relationships, whether it is a human connection or that of an inanimate object. Once one thing is gone, it creates a hole some place, and all of those little holes have made me more whole. Losing something or someone permanently teaches how to cope and move on, and be a complete person again, without it (whatever it may be). Each relationship lost, is a hole, filled with smarts about what and what not to do; each item lost is a hole filled with where and where not to put things; each person lost is a hole filled with what has been and what will be. To each loss there is a gain, and losing will teach you to find those gains like it has done so to me. After losing a family member, a favorite necklace, a relationship, I've learned how to move on and be stronger, and see what matters in my life and what doesn't; after all, not everything can matter, even though that is what it is...

The idea that matter is never created nor destroyed merely sends the message that it is moved. The lost relationship has moved to a different part of your life, the lost necklace has moved on to another owner (possibly the grass), and the lost loved one has moved on to another part of their life.  It will all create a circle; you just have to patient and wait for your losses to return as even greater gains than they were to begin with.

work. work. work.

The alarm blaring every morning multiple times before I can plop my hand on snooze is a constant reminder of the fact I am not a morning person. Regardless of what I am not, I am a team player. Having jobs has shown me that you have to work together; you cannot just purely depend on yourself. Working has taught me my responsibility, and shows me the type of person I don't want to be. No matter how tired I am or how much I don't want to be at work, I drag myself out of bed or to just go to work, force myself awake and happy (on the outside), and smile for my team and help those who depend on me.
I can’t stand people who do not pull their own weight and who are lazy. Seriously? Grow up, suck it up, and do it.

Work isn't school; others depend on you to do your job, not just your own grade. Going to school full time, working two jobs, attempting to have a life outside of work and school, and homework, has pushed me to be driven and determined. I never would have thought I would be able to handle it, but I just thought, ' I have to, no one else is going to be picking up my slack, paying my bills, doing my homework, or taking care of me; I'm  big girl now, I have to do it.' And I am.
 Some others haven’t had that thought yet... And I would never want to let anyone down. You just have to keep going. Work has definitely changed me, I'm a responsible individual, I've grown up, and I think it's safe to say I'm a pretty hard worker. I know I wouldn't want anyone to think of me differently, and the only way to make sure of that is to show and prove to them that, although I am busy, I am reliable, responsible, hard-working, and grown up enough to handle adult situations.
I'd rather work hard now while it's easy and I can, and relax when I'm older and get to enjoy the life I worked for.

Lies..

Everyone at some point lies. It's not all bad, for instance, you're lying to protect the secret surprise party you've planned for their birthday... that's okay. But when you lie to someone because you know you're doing something wrong, that is not; Especially when you have no good reason for lying.
I will admit I lie. However it is only to my mom. I only lie to my mom because I have been pushed to that point. Every time I wanted to do something with friends, I wanted to go hang out with my boyfriend, or just any time i wanted to do anything in general, her answer was no. I had never given her a reason to believe I'd do anything bad or get into trouble. I was a straight A student, always did what was asked of me, a pretty good kid for the most part.
My mom thought differently. I was treated as if I'd gotten away with murder and she was the only one that knew about it. I couldn't do anything. So if I wanted to have friends or hang out and have fun, I'd have to lie. She wouldn't even know my friends and she'd tell me I couldn't hang out with them. Why? Beats me. So to her, I lie. And occasionally, that lie would flutter across to my Dad, which I felt awful about and had to tell him the truth anyways, but I felt as though I had to lie to her so that I could have a somewhat normal life.
I wouldn't lie to my friends, ever. Why would I have to? If they're true friends, they won't care why I cant hang out, or why I don't want to talk about something, they'll just be there for when I do. They don't punish me for trying to be normal or for having a bad day.
Lies have changed me in the way of me knowing someone. I thought I'd really known someone, but it turned out to be all lies. It hurt really badly.
But as far as my mom, I'd learned the lying from her without even realizing it, and gave it right back. I have no reason to lie to anyone else, and therefore I do not lie to anyone else, so don't take from this "Oh, Alexa's a liar!" Not true at all. I am one of the most straight forward and honest people that you will meet.  But I've learned from lies, and they have changed me, they have made me be a more honest person and have shown me first-hand the destruction they can cause. They've ruined families, lives, loves, and nations.

Don't let them ruin you.

friends: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Friends. We all have them. Some of the relationships are good, others can ruin a persons life. Good or bad, they've changed me, and taught me invaluable information about life and people in general.
Since I can honestly say I've had many, many more bad and ugly friendships to date rather than good, healthy friendships, I have learned quite a bit, and been changed beyond belief.

Lesson 1.

Teen and Pre-teen girls are by far the meanest individuals I have ever met.

They can say something hurtful, rude, cruel, and life-ruining in about 3 words. They have no feeling when it comes to hurting someone else, yet when they get hurt, watch out! I was raised to respect others, treat them how you want to be treated, if you can't say something nice then don't say anything, and not everyone is as fortunate as I am so treat everyone equally...clearly they were raised by angry people who did not want their child to have friends, none of them had heard these rules before (or so you'd think).

Lesson 2.

You and your best friend will fight sometimes, but to an extent.

I always felt like if we had one little fight, we'd never be friends again. Not remotely true. But when the fights are daily explosions of hatred and anger, the friendship might be over, just a  little heads up. You will feel differently about things, and you need to stand up for your feelings and beliefs, not go against those just to keep the peace with your friend. If you don't, you'll never stand up for anything and you will fall for everything.

Lesson 3.

It is NEVER okay for your friends to talk crap about you behind your back.

I had a friend who tried to get me and her cousin to hate each other. She'd make up things "I had said" and tell her cousin and do the same thing to her cousin. Messed up? Very. And when we went to Disney World together, my best friend did not talk to me for 3 out of 7 days. Not okay. And it was all because I didn't tell her about how I was friends with her cousin when we were in elementary or middle school. Pathetic.

Lesson 4.

Don't ever let a friend control you.

I didn't know I was being controlled until I was no longer in the friendship. Things got very ugly, very quickly. It opened my eyes to a lot of things in my life I need to watch out for, and in a way, I am thankful it happened. At least it was then, versus later in my life when it could really ruin something.


My friends have not always been my best decisions, but they have taught me a lot about who I am, who I want to be, how I act and treat others, and how my decisions can affect my entire life and even others around me. They have made me stronger and taught me how to stand up for myself and what I believe in, regardless of what my friends think. If they are really your friends, they will be by your side through thick and thin and will accept you for who and what you are.